25 questions that reveal how self-aware you are
Self-awareness, the superhuman skill so few possess. I’m not talking about the basic entry-level self-awareness that humans and primates share.
Peak self-awareness is the ability to notice your internal experience clearly, in real time, without immediately needing to defend it, explain it, or act on it. Easy in theory, extremely difficult in practise.
How do you rate your self-awareness?
Considering how useful self-awareness is, it shocks me that schools don’t implement specific training programs where self-awareness mastery is a top priority for all children.
Imagine a child, who pauses when they notice tension. They tell their caregiver something feels off, and takes a moment to decide what label best fits the sensation. Finally, selecting a self-care strategy or restorative action that will help them to self-regulate.
I’m telling you, it’s the stuff of Super heroes!
Just for fun, let’s put your self-awareness under the microscope. Not to judge and criticise, just to learn where you’re at and consider where you might want to be.
Below is a 25-part questionnaire exploring different levels of self-awareness, ranging from a common and basic level of understanding, through to a deep, sophisticated, and highly developed self-awareness.
Warning: You might feel defensiveness emerge as you progress through the questionnaire. Self-awareness reveals itself more in the questions you can tolerate, than the answers you can give.
If you can identify when the defensiveness arises, that’s good news, your self-awareness is clearly on solid ground.
For each question, notice your first honest reaction, not the answer you think you should give.
Answer each question with:
- Mostly yes: This is generally true for you.
- Sometimes: Yes it happens, but not consistently.
- Rarely / not yet: It is difficult or uncommon for you.
Questionnaire
Surface-Level Self-Awareness
- Can you usually name what you’re feeling?
- Do you know what tends to stress you out?
- Can you explain why you reacted the way you did after the fact?
- Do you know your obvious strengths and weaknesses?
- Can you describe how you generally come across to other people?
Pattern Awareness
- Do the same conflicts keep repeating in your life?
- Do you react strongly to similar situations or types of people?
- Can you often predict your own emotional reactions before they happen?
- Do you notice yourself repeating familiar stories about who you are?
- Are you aware of your default coping strategies?
If the majority of your answers to these first two sections were “Mostly yes”, it is likely that you have basic self-awareness. Excellent, that’s a lot to work with! You can recognise emotions and explain behaviour, most of the time. This is where self-awareness development stops for most people. Yes you have insight, but the depth and sophistication of this insight is limited.
Real-Time Awareness
- Can you notice yourself becoming defensive while it’s happening?
- Can you pause before reacting when emotions spike?
- Do you notice physical signs in your body before your thoughts escalate?
- Can you stay present when you feel the urge to justify, blame, or withdraw?
- Do you notice when you’re trying to manage how you’re perceived?
Emotional Tolerance
- Can you sit with shame without immediately explaining it away?
- Can you tolerate anxiety without needing certainty right now?
- Can you experience disappointment without turning it into self-criticism?
- Can you let discomfort exist without fixing it immediately?
- Can you allow emotions to pass without narrating or analysing them?
If your answers shifted from ‘Mostly Yes’ in the first two sections, to ‘Sometimes’ in the middle two sections, rest assured that this is completely normal.
You’re able to notice patterns, but not always in real-time. Do you remember that time when you became aware that you were being rude and unreasonable, but only realised this 3 hours after the argument? This isn’t failure, it’s an opportunity to make progress. To transcend beyond this point usually takes a willingness to sit with discomfort about your past reactions and patterns.
Identity Flexibility
- Can you revise a belief about yourself when evidence contradicts it?
- Can you admit you were wrong without collapsing or becoming defensive?
- Can you hold conflicting truths about yourself at the same time?
- Can you be seen clearly without controlling the image?
- Are you willing to change, not just understand?
Questions in this final section are designed to push you to your self-awareness limit. Most people will feel considerable discomfort, or defensiveness whilst considering these questions.
What does it all mean?
People who are self-aware generally have more time and choice to decide how they respond.
They notice their own reactions, physical and emotional, before they unleash dramatically, giving them a valuable pause between feeling, and acting. Consequently, people with self-awareness tend to become more predictable, both to their significant other, and themselves. A welcome relief to partners who may have gotten used to explosive and unpredictable arguments.
With better self-awareness, anxiety becomes more manageable. When you can actually name what you feel because you’ve done the hard work, this degrees of self-awareness takes away some of the fear that what’s happening is out of your control.
And catastrophic thinking? That gets easier to interrupt and redirect. Self-awareness won’t eliminate anxiety entirely I’m afraid, but it will stop it from running the show!
When we say “do the work”, what does this mean?
In its most simplest form, “the work” refers to a process of investigation during any instance of heightened emotion. Some questions you might find helpful during this time include:
a) What physical sensation am I feeling? (i.e. tightness in stomach, tension in hands, or lightness in the head)
b) Label the emotions or describe the situation. (i.e. I think I’m feeling stressed, I feel disappointed, or I feel flat and melancholic).
c) Collate what you know about this situation into a coherent summary. (i.e. I was talking to my partner. I noticed my voice began to raise, and now we’re arguing. I’m feeling very upset.)
d) Decide on an act of self-care or restoration. (i.e. I need to take 10mins away from the source of stress, and I do my breathing exercises)
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