The One Reason That Still Matters
What were your reasons to have, or not have children?
In a century marked by declining birth rates, understanding why people choose parenthood, or opt out, has never been more compelling.
Having Children Was The Pragmatic Choice in Ancient & Agrarian Societies
Child Labour
For most of human history, having children was not sentimental, it was pure survival. Families had as many children as they could feed because children were the workforce. They farmed, herded, collected water, cooked, and kept households running. More kids meant more hands.
Companionship & Elder Care
In later life, you were cared for by your children and grandchildren. A large family meant stronger clan alliances and more security. Children also carried the family stories, customs, and identity forward.
Continuation of Assets & Name
Parents accumulated land and resources knowing they would be inherited by their children. Why spend a lifetime building only to have it seized by the state? Children ensured continuity, financial, cultural, and personal.
So… Why Have Children Today When the Traditional Benefits No Longer Apply?
The old reasons to have children don’t fit the modern world.
Child labour? Gone (thank goodness).
Adult children caring for elderly parents? Rare, and often resisted.
Inheritance? Most millennials can barely afford rent, let alone anticipate receiving property.
Family names? Less meaningful in the anonymity of large cities.
So if the ancient motivators are obsolete, what now?
The Costs of Having Children Today
When potential-parents consider whether to have children, many are forced to weigh up the perceived costs with the potential benefits. It makes for confronting reading to realise just how high the costs can be.
Financial Costs
Working 45+ hours a week often means funnelling money straight into childcare, groceries, rent, school fees, transport, clothing, birthdays, holidays, the list never ends. Children are the investment.
Social & Relationship Costs
With communities more fragmented and families scattered, parents shoulder nearly all the work alone. Friendships slip away. Relationships strain under exhaustion, limited time, and divided attention. Single parents carry an even heavier load.
Personal Costs
Women still bear the physical price of pregnancy and childbirth. Careers stall, bodies change, and time evaporates. And for parents of all genders, hobbies, passions, and creative pursuits shrink dramatically, there are simply fewer hours in the day.
Environmental & Overpopulation Guilt Modern parents carry a new kind of emotional burden: the guilt of adding another carbon-emitting human to an already strained planet. Overpopulation, climate change, and resource scarcity can make the choice to have children feel morally complicated. For many, this quiet but persistent guilt becomes yet another hidden cost of modern parenting.
What others costs do you think potential-parents have to consider?
In the 21st Century, Having Children Has Become a Philosophical Choice
Yes, the costs to have children are huge. So why then do people continue to have children? We no longer have children to harvest crops or guard the homestead. Instead, the focus in now on the existential reasons. Meaning, purpose, continuity, and the emergence of a new consciousness.
The Creation of Consciousness
To have a child is to bring a new awareness into the universe. A mind that thinks, feels, imagines, wonders, and becomes. In a cosmos where consciousness is rare, helping create and shape one is profoundly life-affirming.
A Different Kind of Continuity
Parents today pass on values, stories, lessons, humour, curiosity, and moral frameworks. Instead of continuing a bloodline merely for land or labour, they cultivate identity and character, shaping a person who will influence the world in their own way.
Meaning & Purpose
Children bring joy, surprise, wonder, and a fresh lens on life. They pull us into the future. They make us consider what kind of world we want to leave behind. For many, raising children feels like contributing to humanity itself.
All grown Up: Humanity no longer needs religion
medium.com
Changing motivations and shifting societal expectations mean fewer people feel obligated to become parents.
Those who were only marginally interested in parenthood are increasingly choosing not to have children.
As a result, the children who are being born tend to have parents who made an intentional, thoughtful choice.
These parents accepted the significant financial, personal, and environmental costs — and chose parenthood anyway.
And for those who opt out, it represents a conscious, responsible recognition of their own values, limits, and life priorities — a choice that benefits both themselves and society.
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